PREVIEW WEEKLY - FRIDAY APRIL 10

Grand Readership,

Welcome back to another PREVIEW WEEKLY - this one for the un-exciting week of APRIL 10! We have a DISNEY picture with widespread appeal and yet another sloppy-comedy. If I thought LAST weekend was time to catch up on rentals or missed flicks, I didn't have the foresight to see this one coming. Alas - be picky, be choosy - I'd just about avoid them all! Enjoy! (and if I'm way off, don't be timid, remind me)


HANNAH MONTANA: THE MOVIE (DIR. PETER CHELSOM)

WALT DISNEY isn't shy about milking the cash cow that is HANNAH MONTANA/MILEY CYRUS. It was barely a year ago that her 3D concert film launched (to moderate success) and this film feels like a natural progression and features (for better or worse) the autobiographical tale of MILEY CYRUS' two identities. If you haven't been paying attention, one is a teen-pop-phenom and the other is a quiet country gal. As awful as this sounds on paper, CYRUS has an enormous following, so she must be doing something right. A DISNEY bomb is rare and this should please millions and rival FAST AND FURIOUS for the top spot at the box office.


OBSERVE AND REPORT (DIR. JODY HILL)

Those who know me, know I've been on record calling for a sabbatical from SETH ROGEN for months. Everything he touches feels instantly played and if I'm forced to sit through another picture with a thousand awkward ROGEN glances, I just might keel over. It isn't a promising sign that DIRECTOR JODY HILL'S entry to TV via the HBO series EAST BOUND & DOWN was a disastrous six episode stint. I'm a huge ANNA FARRIS fan - but can't imagine her presence saving OBSERVE AND REPORT, although I do suspect she's already regretting adding this to her resume. Doesn't have a chance at the box office and hopefully we can all forget this ever happened.


DRAGONBALL EVOLUTION (DIR. JAMES WONG)

There is little reason to think DRAGONBALL will be a success on any level - although it's foreign appeal may skew the box office figures. Still, JAMES WONG gave us FINAL DESTINATION (and the third one of the series), so he's proven he can handle the launch of a franchise. Having said that, the effects look amateur at best, the cast is a mess and the plot couldn't be more irrelevant (and recollects a level on nonsense not realized on screen since the MORTAL KOMBAT films). Seems to be a sure case of material that should have remained in it's original genre(s).


ANVIL! THE STORY OF ANVIL (DIR. SACHA GERVASI)

At first glance one may think this the Canadian version of SPINAL TAP. But alas, ANVIL! THE STORY OF ANVIL is no mockumentary, but a compassionate portrait of a Canadian metal band that never made it big, despite claims of influence on Metallica and Slayer (among other smash hit metal bands). Here we follow what could be a final European tour and the recording of yet another album, on which rides the celebrity hopes of the now-fifties rockers. Frankly, a story about a group of people who, through either luck or lack of talent, never became hits doesn't seem like a good sell considering the multitude of current global crisis. If it peaks your interest, you're already ahead of me and from what people have been saying, you won't be disappointed.

REVIEW: FAST AND FURIOUS

I'll admit it. This week's choice is a selfish one. I didn't want to roll my sleeves up and get dirty. I wanted to forget star power, script writing and plot development. I wanted a picture that filled in where the popcorn ran out. Where throngs of people shouted and clapped when the bad guys bit the dirt. I wanted to be wowed by pixels without having to pay attention to plot. So what better vehicle to do so in than FAST AND FURIOUS? None, as it would turn out.

FAST AND FURIOUS, helmed by newcomer JUSTIN LIN, did everything a sequel to a mindless action flick should do: take what what worked in the original (a medley of over the top car action and sexual innuendo) and rev it to the max. Now, for those curious about FAST AND FURIOUS' plot (although I'd be surprised to learn that was the reason anyone went to see this), it's pretty simple. Old rivals TORETTO and O'CONNER, the former being the morally bound rebel (VIN DIESEL) and the latter an FBI heartthrob buster (PAUL WALKER), are forced to team up as the GOOD GUYS when a few BAD GUYS turn out to be their common enemy.



The film opens with a sharply choreographed set piece that finds TORETTO somewhere in the DOMINICAN REPUBLIC, heisting fuel tankers in a mile-a-minute rubber burning chase. It's an instant reminder that FAST AND FURIOUS sets the bar for unrealistic but wildly satisfying car chases. TORETTO displays his calm and cool demeanor, makes the score and gets the girl. After that we see that O'CONNER is also at the top his game (although on the other side of the law) as an FBI officer, chasing down an unnamed thug in a BOURNE-esque sequence. Thankfully this is the last we see of the BOURNE motivated camera direction and after sitting through some awful dialogue we get back to what makes FURIOUS so great.

And while you can't fault JUSTIN LIN for at least attempting character development, each melodramatic scene was accompanied by twangy guitar and a rumble of snickers from the audience. LIN inherited a series fueled by senseless action and whatever gratuitous sexual innuendo the current PG13 standard allow; and he needed something to break up the action. Unfortunately for LIN, he also inherited one-dimensional characters that, despite the film's claims, haven't changed since the last time they were all on screen together. But as corny and predictable as these sappy moments were (and trust me, they were pretty bad), they couldn't outweigh the sheer bliss of witnessing a four-vehicle rally of car-plosions through the packed streets of LOS ANGELES.



Don't bother paying attention to the inexplicable plot holes (which are as prominent as they are deep), just wait patiently until the hum of the engine rips through the theaters sound system; cranked so high your COCA-COLA shakes as if a T-REX was chasing you. FAST AND FURIOUS delivers on every level a gratuitous sequel should - and makes you wonder why studios even bother trying to pump plot into their action franchises. This isn't to say FURIOUS doesn't have a heart for their audience- one needs only to point to the one-liners delivered by DIESEL (caked with so much cheese it'd make the state of WISCONSIN drool) to realize this was made for the fans. Make no mistake, this picture isn't for everyone. But for those who hope that FAST AND FURIOUS is the picture they want; sexy stars wrecking sexy cars; get to a theater as fast (and safely) as you can because this will not disappoint.

INTRODUCING A NEW COLUMN & A NEW WRITER, HEMINGWAY'S SHOTGUN

Welcome to the first of many book review columns, exclusively on X RETICENT REVIEWS, a website your humble narrator is sure you managed to stumble upon through sheer accident (or you happen to personally know one of the writers). But since you’re here, please sit back in your chair and allow your humble narrator to explain why a book reviewer was added to the already exceptional staff at this website, and what I will be attempting to do with this column.

First off, yes, I am indeed quite the book nerd. Ever since I picked up a worn out copy of Tales of a Fourth grade Nothing by Judy Blume from my Catholic school’s library in the third grade, I was hooked on the power of words to tell stories. From there, I devoured more books and little by little, the fiction section of the library at said Catholic school became obsolete (the selection being pretty slim considering it was a CATHOLIC SCHOOL). What is an emerging book nerd to do when no more books can be read? Turn to video games? Watch more Charles in Charge reruns? Dare he… play outside? The horrors!!

No, what I did was discover that timeless bastion of knowledge, the town public library. For free, one could have access to the entire world! A wealth of knowledge readily accessible to a young mind! Of course, I went straight to the fiction section and discovered books like The Outsiders and Hatchet. Soon I was to discover the one man that would alter his life forever….Stephen King.



Sure, after graduating from Penn State University with a degree in journalism and a minor in English, I learned to appreciate, and even love, writers like Steinbeck, Hemingway, Fitzgerald and the list goes on and on, but one never forgets their first love. Stephen King was my first love. Which brings us full circle to the quote that led off this brief (long) introductory column.

What I believe is that fiction is a way to expose truths through lying. Yes, Nick Carraway and Jay Gatsby never existed, but that doesn’t mean that capitalism isn’t flawed and money can buy happiness. An old man probably never went out on a small boat off the coast of Cuba, hooked the greatest marlin in history, simply to watch sharks devour his prize catch as he sailed back to shore, but many a man have grasped their dreams just to see them whither away by forces out of their control. That’s what I think Mr. King was talking about truth being inside the lie.

So what books will I be reviewing for you, the grand readership of xreticentreviews? I will try to review books that aren’t commonplace in the literary canon, but feel they deserve to be. Current literary fiction combined with some popular fiction and some non-fiction thrown in. Authors like Cormac McCarthy and Jonathan Franzen and Jonathan Lethem. These are names that some of you may have heard of, but haven’t dared pick their work up yet. I hope to help you in that respect.



This is the inherently hard part of being a devoted reader. Movies are a different beast because they are more mainstream, therefore much more accessible to reviews. One can go to rottentomatoes.com or rogerebert.com to get a feel if a movie might be worth their $9, but what about books? I can spend 3 hours in a book store and leave empty handed because I couldn’t decide. Why couldn’t I? I didn’t have a guide. I hope that I can be some sort of guide for you.

So sit back and I hope I don’t bore you to death. This looks to be a bi-weekly column. For the first months, I’ll be reviewing books that I have read in the past two years, so expect a lot of four star reviews. Once I start getting into the books I am currently reading, expect to see a more balanced review list. So two weeks from today, the review will be Cormac McCarthy’s Blood Meridian.

PREVIEW WEEKLY - APRIL 3

Grand Readership,

Welcome back for the APRIL 3 PREVIEW WEEKLY. Seems like a two star type of weekend, time to either catch up on flicks you missed or put your feet back and pretend not to listen. Not unlike an evening of re-runs... or chocolate pretzels with nothing to drink. Enjoy!


ADVENTURELAND (DIR. GREG MATTOLA)

Love it or leave it, SUPERBAD was a hit - and ADVENTURELAND features the same 70s obsessed DIRECTOR, GREG MATTOLA. MATTOLA has downgraded the star power of his cast, but with rising phenom BILL HADER and an established veteran RYAN RENOLDS, maybe MATTOLA is ahead of the curve. But what I've seen rings dry and I LOVE YOU, MAN is riding on a full tanker of coal, neither of which bode well for ADVENTURELAND. Catch in the theaters if it peaks your interest, but I wouldn't make a point to see this one.


FAST AND FURIOUS (DIR. JUSTIN LIN)

The first FAST launched in 2001, also launching director ROB COHEN'S career, something JUSTIN LIN (new to HOLLYWOOD) hopes will happen this time around. As the tagline suggests (New model, Old parts), this 2009 entry into the series stars the original cast led by VIN DIESEL and PAUL WALKER. Neither have fared great since 2001, but FAST AND FURIOUS is a nice warm-up to the summer's blockbuster season. Plays well in it's first couple of weeks and hits shelves by the end of the summer.


SUGAR (DIR. ANNA BODIN & RYAN FLECK)

From the directing duo who brought us the well-received HALF NELSON in 2006 comes the story of a Dominican pitcher recruited to play in the US Minor Leagues. The picture has a good buzz about it, but not unlike the story arch, I almost wish it was on the pro level. Expect good things (even if they're expectable) - and this will be a nice alternative before the summer onslaught.


GIGANTIC (DIR. MATT ASELTON)

First time WRITER/DIRECTOR MATT ASELTON'S GIGANTIC stars PAUL DANO and ZOEY DESCHANEL. The latter headlines the much anticipated 500 DAYS OF SUMMER, whose own release in two weeks has raised more than a few eyebrows about GIGANTIC'S timing. I won't disguise that I'm not a fan of PAUL DANO (some of it isn't his fault, such as the make-up work in THERE WILL BE BLOOD), or the vehicle that drove his success in LITTLE MISS SUNSHINE. I'm surprised ZOEY took this script and GIGANTIC will barely be able to step from the it's own casted shadow.

EVENT SPOTLIGHT

Grand Readership,

Be sure to check out RECESSION SESSIONS tomorrow night, WEDNESDAY APRIL 1ST. Invitation and details below - great music, drink and dancing. What's better?